If You’re a… Waiter/Waitress
- Because when the moment comes that the chef decides to give the servers a taste of his new dish, you will be first in line with a fork in hand (and a napkin for stealing some for later).
- Because you know every wine on the list, and because you can use this skill to impress your future French lover. Enchanté.
- Because you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know.
- Because even though you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know, those bus boys come pretty darn close.
- Because carrying those trays of glasses has given you superhuman balance skills that make dancing in five-inch heels feel like a cakewalk. Workkk. Ittt.
- Because you’ve successfully followed in the footsteps of Rachel Green (you know, Jenneifer Aniston’s character in Friends)… now you just need to convince your boss to change the name of the café to ‘Central Perk’ and hire a Gunther look-alike.
- Because with great power comes great responsibility, and you sleep well at night knowing you make a daily choice not to spit in your customers’ food.
- Because that handy employee discount means you can “treat” your boyfriend to dinner… without actually coughing up the cash. Hello, loophole!
- Because you work nights, meaning you get to be the tanned one amongst the poor, Vitamin-D deprived souls that are your intern friends – or were your friends, before you drove them back into the shadows of their cubicles with the blinding glow of your skin.
If You’re a… Babysitter or Au Pair
- Because the hardest part of your day is convincing the youngest boy not to eat dirt and/or bugs, and if you fail, oh well… it’s organic, right?
- Because you’ve learned the words to every Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus song ever played on Radio Disney, and you now have 60 ways to tick off your boyfriend when you’re feeling passive-aggressive.
- Because you secretly enjoy Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, and because you plan to capitalize on your newfound skills to kick some a** at Karaoke Night.
- Because kids have older, hotter brothers, and since you are also older and hotter, there’s really nothing stopping you, is there?
- Because the parents keep a candy drawer in the house and you have free reign, Willy Wonka.
- Because bedtimes exist.
- Because you are really awful at Hide and Seek. So awful, in fact, that the kids sit and hide silently for over half an hour while you “look for them”… if “look for them” means “play Words With Friends with your roommate.”
- Because you will never get bored of pinching a giggling baby’s cheeks. Literally never.
- Because you have age and wisdom on your side when it comes time to play Monopoly and Scrabble. #winning.
If You’re a… Lifeguard
- Because your life is a Baywatch episode, minus the slow-mo soundtrack and David Hasselhoff’s excessive chest hair.
- Because your tan lines might have more complex geometry than your ninth grade math class, but you still look better in a bathing suit than literally anyone else you know (all of that running on the beach that they show on Baywatch? True story).
- Because everyone wants to be the girl on the paddleboard. That chick is in charge!
- Because when Shark Week rolls around, everyone you know is suddenly incredibly interested in your job: “Have you seen a shark before!?” they ask. Well, that floating half of a car tire looked like a fin for a second… so the answer is yes, yes you have.
- Because you will always win at Marco Polo. Always.
- Because sitting up in that chair feels kind of like sitting on a throne above your subjects, and you’ve been told you look a bit like Kate Middleton. Born to rule?
- Because your male co-workers are all of the young, muscular, half-naked variety – and what a coincidence, that’s your favorite variety!
- Because people-watching is so much more fun when you’re getting paid to do it.
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